Famous Mortimer McFry

Famous Mortimer McFry was a very busy guy
He would say hello and immediately say goodbye
He would never stay long to visit or talk
His schedule kept him running...he would never walk
No one knew his business, no one knew his work
When he ate he used a supersonic vacuum, not a fork
The few times he would speak his voice was kinda funny
He sounded like a warp speed coffee drinking bunny
One day he was so busy that he sadly ran too far
And got a little too close to the next nearest star
That was the last we heard from that bustling little guy
The very very busy Famous Mortimer McFry

Tree Stump

Tree stump tree stump
I stand on thee
Where once stood a tree
There is now only me

Beardless

When I kissed my daddy bye today
before he left for work
I was taken aback by the display
Of his furless, hairless smirk.

“What happened to your beard?” I said
Concerned that he was ill
“Did it stay in bed? Or did you shed?”
“Or take some magic pill?”

He started to laugh at my curiousness
About what was missing there
Well it’s CERTAINLY my business
What he does with his chin hair

He just wasn’t thinking, was he?
That big loveable huggable lug
I’ll miss that scuzzy little fuzzy
I’ll miss giving it a tug

10,000 Degrees

It’s easy to tell
when you get the smell
of burning tar in your nose

When the grass is brown
and no kids in town
are playing in the hose

When the Sun is mad
then Summer is sad
cuz the sidewalk burns your toes

But such is your luck
when Earth's thermostat is stuck
on 10,000 degrees, I suppose.

A Picture Says a Thousand Words

A picture says a thousand words
Or so they often say
But who has heard a picture speak
and not been put away?

Wooden Boots

These boots I have on are made of wood.
I wonder if they shouldn’t be, or if they should.
The clicking and clacking and fricking is fracking
and racking my ears cuz’ their shoosh-ness is lacking.
So I’m sorry to say that I’m sending them packing,
and they got a lot of stuff, so they better get cracking.

A Good Dog Named Spot

There once was a good dog named spot
Ambition and hope seemed his lot
Always wanting to sail
He stopped chasing his tail
And ran off to find his first yacht

How Many Times In A Row Can You Burble?

How many times in a row can you burble?
Can you do it 10 times without a slurble?
100 times with no hint of a gurble?
1,000 times sans a total flurble?!

If you can do something THAT verbal
without a slurble, gurble, or flurble,
I wonder how well I could burble.

The Worst Garden

I planted a garden Sunday
And by Monday it had rained
There was no Sun on Tuesday
And then Wednesday was a pain
My blisters popped on Thursday
Prickly weeds won Friday’s war
Still no sprouts on Saturday
On Sunday it was…no more.

What Tickles a Feather?

If feathers can tickle
and ickle your nose
what tickles a feather?
…what tickles ITS nose?

What tickles a feather?
What does, do you suppose?

Spider Legs

You want to know why spiders have 8 legs?
So they can dance away when you’re trying to get em’.
Just like us they only need two, to cut a rug and avoid a flying shoe.
So when you smush them and fmush them (but don’t completely kabush them)
Until their strength begins to ebb
They can jive, tango, or Viennese waltz their way back to their web.

I Stibbed My Fungers!

Look at my fungers! They’re all big and bruised!
I am so confused and utterly bemused.

I stibbed them, oh I stibbed them good!
Now they crack when I don’t think they should.

They’re black and blue like an old man’s shoe.
When I bend them they sound like a broken kazoo!

Let this be a lesson to all of you youngers.
Be careful! Be careful what you do with your fungers.

Grass Soda

This afternoon Dad mowed the yard
now making this stuff won’t be so hard

I’ve got the rest of the things I need
like butter stalks, and chicken weed

Those fresh grass clippings will work just fine
to make the flavor simply divine

and since we want to make it right
we’ll finish with a dash of fresh sunlight

Here, drink this fizzy whizzy thing
cuz’ grass soda is the official drink of Spring.